Think of the last person to whom you spoke and describe that person's most annoying personality trait. One of them might become a Dilbert comic.

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Aug 16, 2009
Sorry for all the exclamation points. I'm now taking a glass of wine out to the deck & stargazing, & chilling out. Have a good week (exclamation point deleted).
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
I am bad about finishing other people's sentences, but mostly only for those who don't finish their own! Please, people, if you start a thought, finish it! I'm just saying!
Aug 16, 2009
I just finished talking to a guy who goes further than trying to finish people's sentences.. he'll pick up half way through sometimes! But only that annoying mumbly kind of sentence-completing, where they're relying on you to carry on so they can mimic you 0.1s after the sounds leave your mouth.
I find myself saying nonsensical and/or extremely offensive things in his presence just to put him off.
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
Oh, this was not the day to ask this question! I am 5 minutes away from calling Dr. Kervorkian! Seriously, do we not all have 3 minutes a day when we could just...wait a second, maybe I misunderstood the premise. What was the question, again?
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
I know this person who was very captive and bubbly when you meet her. She appears to have lots of "friends" - but the kind to party with and wouldn't offer any help, not even a ride home after party. She must hang on to one friend like a parasite at any given time, usually no more than a year. She eats all your food, dirty up your place, come to your home uninvited... The next thing you know, she's inviting her highschool friends over to your place to eat your food, blast your a/c, dirty up the place, hog your TV...
When she discard the host, she would spread rumors about her. Since she appears to be a fun person, most people fall for the lies. My roommate and I were both victims. Even people we have never even met have heard that we were awful people. Of course when we do get to know them, they'd say, "you're nothing like what I've heard!"
The most dangerous part is that when you try to warn the next victims, they would just think you are just as !$%*!$ as she has mentioned.
Aug 16, 2009
"Do you know what I mean?" "Do you understand what I'm saying?" "You know?" Random conversations that the speaker is worried I don't know what is being said, even after a five minute explanation.

Or the fact that I look 15 years younger than my actual age and I feel the need to justify why I'm not the naive teenager that I'm thought to be.
+10 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
I'm constantly annoyed by people who keep talking when I'm trying to interupt.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
My 14 year old daughter. Every telling off is dismissed with the word genetics!
Latest telling off was for stirring up a forum full of right wing extremists!
Topic was health care in the UK and how it could not be trusted as all the doctors are foreign and out to get you.
Suggestion was that you should self diagnose and self medicate for safety.
Wild haired goth daughters comment on this:
Great idea, go for it, I love to see natural selection at work.
Fortunately not too many bit...................................
+6 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
My husband: the over-acheiver... We had a 30th birthday party to go to on the weekend, theme was star wars costume. Most people hired theirs, one wookie already owned his, a lot of the women (like me) just did their hair leia style and wore normal clothes, Some people didn't bother dressing up at all, then there's my husband...
He made his storm trooper costume (except the helmet, disturbingly enough we already owned that), but instead of just a chest plate, white gloves and y-fronts over a black tracksuit like i originally suggested, as soon as he heard the theme of the party he joined a forum for people who dress up as storm troopers, researched all the intricacies of the original design, decided he wanted to be able to sit down on the night so fabric rather than plastic was his material of choice, designed patterns to fit from scratch for every element of the costume, then found some material, stayed up til 2am for several nights in a row sewing the thing, then gets upset because he forgot to get a cheap watergun that he could spray paint black and he got stuck taking something that he couldn't modify and it was ruining his costume. He had the best costume by far, but he wasn't happy with it because the gun wasn't accurate.
Aug 16, 2009
I don't know if you will consider this a personality trait, but I run into this one a lot in Toronto.

Some people greet me with a very quick, automatic


I'm a country boy and used to people who wait for a response after asking a question.
My strategy has been to treat that greeting as a Hello. About 1 in 200 times the other person will notice that they didn't allow time for me to respond and ask how they are doing.

Then we have a real conversation, not just a collection of meat robot responses (or not)
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 16, 2009
A female civilian contractor. She doesn't drink and preaches religion (Christianity). Claims to be very "family-oriented".

I last saw her running around with a Power Plant supervisor who was not her husband.

Let's see....You have Wally (efficiently lazy), Topper (the Bragger), and Ted (abuse magnet). I think you need a Mr or Mrs "Hipocrissy". (Mispelled on purpose)
Aug 16, 2009
The last person I spoke to is my maid. Quite smart for her job actually, but her one problem (annoying problem) is "instruction overflow". There is a dynamic buffer in her mind which can take only so many instructions; the size of the buffer keeps changing depending on her mood, family crisis status (there are multiple), the current song in her head etc.

1. Someone came to visit. He asked for coffee, my husband and I wanted Tea. Instruction Overflow. Everyone had coffee.

2. I asked for lemon to be put in a dish that generally does not use lemon. Along with it were given numerous other instructions related to cooking. Instruction Overflow. The moment I stepped out of the kitchen, lemon was cut, put and mixed in the dish. Not squeezed. Not juiced. Cut. In small pieces. With the outer skin intact. Of course, the dish had to be thrown away.

3. She cleans in the morning. I gave three instructions,
"A shelf of the TV Trolley has come loose, stuff may fall down unless handled carefully. Don't try to handle it carefully. Don't clean the TV area today",
"I've arranged the Bed Room drapes a way above the window which will fall down if touched. So, don't touch. Don't clean the bedroom today",
"Don't make dinner tonight".
This was one of those special days - three instructions with negatives were too much. As you can guess:
My TV accessories all must have fallen down - they WERE put back, one could see that as the two remotes had battery cells upside down, and the set top box had wrong cables attached to it. It took us half an hour to figure this out.
Bed Room drapes were neatly and efficiently rearranged in their regular style. It must have taken time and effort.
We had a full Indian Meal with Russian Salad ready when we came back from our Dinner arrangement.

Before i stop, a fact of my life: If my husband and I want to have Tea together, I make it. I tell her it's because I like to make it, but the real reason is this: It has NEVER happened that when both of us are together and we ask the maid to make two cups of Tea, she makes two. If one of us wants tea, she'll make two cups. If both of us want tea, she'll make one. And if we try to trick her by giving opposite instructions, in that particular instance, there is no overload.

As far as comic characters are concerned, I think more than her, I am one. Because not only do I take such instances in my stride, I fully expect them, prepare for them, and adjust the number and complexity of my instructions in the view of her mood, family crisis status and the current song in her head. I don't even share these anecdotes cum jokes with people often.

I tell myself I do this for all the time I save from Domestic worries, but I suspect the truth is managing her is so completely opposite to managing the Software Engineers in my office.
Aug 15, 2009
The clod who is always on his (or her) cell phone in the most inappropriate times and places (restaurants, doctor's offices, in store or bank lines, church, theaters, etc.).
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 15, 2009
She talks about TV characters and TV shows as if they were real people and real situations. Sometimes it takes a while before I realize she's actually referring to a TV show, and not real life. It's not too hard to pick up on when she's talking about crime fighting mediums, or a drug addicted, yet genius doctor who has found himself going mad. But when she starts watching shows like the office, things get a bit confusing.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 15, 2009
I've got a few intersting ones.

One of my friends has very few inhibitions. These go away after approximately one sip of beer. To this day he has hit himself with a bowling ball, raced his car down the highway in a raging blizzard with his head out the window, ripped the crotch out of his pants on a chain link fence he was climbing, embedded a rock in his skull, and run full speed until he puked.

Another friend is "just friends" with a girl he eats dinner with 4 times a week and has phone conversations with 5 times a day. They "broke up" over two years ago, and have been this way ever since.

One is me - complete and total intolerance of alcohol. I won't drink it, touch it, and tend to not enjoy the company of those who are enjoying such things. My friends used to take me out to hang out with them while drinking at a bar. I brought a book, a portable sudoku machine, and a deck of cards. All got significant use.

A friend of mine, for reasons unknown, is always a target when authority figures are around. A group of 10 people jaywalk? The guard singles him out and yells at him for 5 minutes, ignoring all of the others. 100 college kids get baseball tickets cheaply, and rearrange themselves to be among friends, he get singled out and yelled at to sit 10 spaces over since that's what it says on his ticket. Plenty of other examples, anyone in a position of authority hates this guy just by looking at him.

Maybe someone in my dysfunctional group of friends could get into a comic :)
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 15, 2009
People who make a point of trying to use correct grammar, but FAIL at it miserably. I'm thinking of the sort of person who uses the phrase "between you and I."

Sorry, one of the posters hit me with this one when she corrected your most recent comic incorrectly. It is correct as "What message DO forty planeloads of snow send," as I'm sure you know, because the subject is planeloads. Message is the object. The planeloads do send a message. I know I'm being a jerk. Sorry, anonymous internet poster.
Aug 15, 2009
She asks my advice on things and no matter what I say, she constantly questions it and acts like she doesn't like it. Regardless of which choice I choose, she complains that it's the wrong choice. In the end, she goes on to complain that no one's helping her with her problems.
Aug 15, 2009
My best friend and I both share this same bad personality trait. Whenever I ask him to help me with something, he usually doesn't want to, but grudgingly comes along. Then, when he starts helping me out, I can't resist saying "here, let me try!", like I can do it better let me show you. Then we go back and forth, me doing a little and then him saying "here, I know how to do it, let me do it" and then he does it a little and then I want to do it again to show him how I do it better, etc.

We realized today that if there were some way to harness this one-upmanship phenomenon you could have a pretty good way to motivate people. Perhaps this could be turned into some new management fad. Leading by ineptitude. Just start doing something, but do it so badly that the unmotivated employees around you are forced to step in just so you will stop doing it and someone will get it done right.
+4 Rank Up Rank Down
Aug 15, 2009
the guy who calls you a wuss for not doing somthing, but tries to pass it off as no big deal when he doesn't do it either
Aug 15, 2009
1. Announces any minor discomfort or displeasure (especially in the presence of those who may be offended). "Would you like to go on a date?" / "Sure. Let's go to a movie." / "I hate movies and they make terrible, unimaginative first dates." NOTE: this is part of a larger problem compounded or inordinate picky-ness and complete obliviousness to the feelings of others.

2. Someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder who is very inconsistent. "I must wash my hands in between touching my cell phone and my computer, but I will eat that Cheeto that rolled behind the refrigerator!" NOTE: Some might object to making fun of those with mental disorders, but who would there be left to make fun of? Anyhow, as a member of this minority, I give you my (irrelevant, but somehow often respected) permission.

3. General unsolicited truths.
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