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Did you see the story about the Brazilian soccer fan that threw a toilet from the stands and killed another fan? As the article says, there are "many questions to be answered." I'd like to get the ball rolling with a few questions of my own.

For starters, did the perpetrator bring his own toilet to the game or did he run into the restroom and rip a toilet out of the floor when the situation called for it? If it's the former, I have a lot of respect for his time management. If it's the latter, I'd like to know what herbal supplements he's taking. Some mornings I can barely dislodge a few sheets of toilet paper from the mother roll. If that guy ripped a toilet out of the floor with his bare hands, I need to start eating whatever he's eating. I'm thinking spinach and quinoa, but that's just a guess.

I wonder if the perpetrator considered and rejected other ideas before settling on throwing the toilet. I only ask because one of my rules of thumb is that whenever my best idea is murder-by-toilet, I take that as a sign that I should keep thinking of options. For example, before I created Dilbert, the only idea I could come up with involved killing a stranger with a toilet. Now I'm glad I stuck with my brainstorming a little longer.

The news report didn't include details, so we don't know if anyone was on the toilet when it was thrown. You might be thinking that no one could throw a toilet with a person on it. But you probably thought no one could rip a toilet out of the floor or carry one to a game and get it through security? Maybe it's time to admit that you don't know as much about toilet throwing as you think you do.

This toilet murder hits close to home for me because my greatest fear as a cartoonist is dying in a way that makes it easy to write an ironic headline. For example, I don't want to be stabbed to death by a clown. And when I see a banana peel on the sidewalk I cross the street. But that's a risky strategy too because if I get hit by a car the headlines will be "Why did the cartoonist cross the street?"

I don't think I'm alone in this fear. I'll bet Prince William worries about being killed by a toilet. The tabloid headlines would be:  "Royal Flush!" Or "Harry, You're in!" or "Future Monarch Killed by Poop and Circumstance." I could go on, but I think you'll agree there's a downside to being killed by a toilet.

-----

Scott Adams

Co-founder of CalendarTree.com

Author of this book.

 



 

 

 
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May 5, 2014
Reminds me of the premise of the short-lived (two seasons) tv show "Dead Like Me". Main character gets killed by toilet falling from the sky. Trying to remember if it was a space toilet... Wolowicz anyone?
 
 
May 5, 2014
"the hope is that... precautionary measures will be put in place to prevent a similar situation down the road."

Uh, yeah. Ya'd think.
 
 
+10 Rank Up Rank Down
May 5, 2014
@DigitalLives

"Harry Crowned...."

And we have a winner!
 
 
May 5, 2014
Some scientist needs to pay a group of sports hooligans to wear brain mapping caps (http://www.braincenteraz.com/what-is-brain-mapping/) during key games to figure out what part of the brain handles moronic, violent choices. Then we need to find a way to kill those cells.

Guy at the ticket booth - "Ticket please, and proof of lobotomy..."
 
 
May 5, 2014
Sorry, that posted prematurely.

I was going on to say that Brazil is hosting the World Cup in a few weeks, and everyone there is worried that there are going to be many riots and probably more than a few deaths.

IMHO, these folks take their sport way too seriously. It's just a game, guys and gals. I hope this won't be the bloodiest World Cup on record, but I'm not holding out much hope.
 
 
May 5, 2014
Late breaking news: a Recife police officer, speaking in anonymity, said that 'fans' ripped three toilet bowls from restrooms in Arruda Stadium and tossed them from the stands. One of them struck a man identified as Paulo Ricardo Gomez da Silva, killing him instantly.

It appears the 'fans' were 'upset' at that (Friday) evening's 1-1 draw between Santa Cruz and Parana
 
 
May 5, 2014
Late breaking news: a Recife police officer, speaking in anonymity, said that 'fans' ripped three toilet bowls from restrooms in Arruda Stadium and tossed them from the stands. One of them struck a man identified as Paulo Ricardo Gomez da Silva, killing him instantly.

It appears the 'fans' were 'upset' at that (Friday) evening's 1-1 draw between Santa Cruz and Parana
 
 
+7 Rank Up Rank Down
May 5, 2014
Thanks for writing a funny post, Scott. We need 'em!
 
 
May 5, 2014
Here's what I infer from this story.
1. This was less a 'fight' and more a 'riot'.
2. The toilet was undoubtedly ripped from a public washroom.
3. It was probably ripped from its fixtures by a group of people.
4. It was thrown from above, and struck a person in the crowd below.
5. It was probably not the intention of the assailants to kill anyone, but in a riot people don't usually think 'getting hit by a heavy falling object is often fatal'.
7. The assailants are unlikely to ever be identified, unless one of them confesses out of guilt.
6. Though death by toilet is darkly funny, it is still pretty sad. I feel sorry for everyone involved (including the assailants who must now live with their the consequences of their stupidity on their consciences)
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
May 5, 2014
And some countries have a King that actually do the toilet throwing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFRJ6jkcQxw

Harry better watch out when he visits the Netherlands.
 
 
May 5, 2014
Years ago I read about a person who's car was totaled by a Port-a-Potty that fell off a truck. I felt bad for them when I thought about trying to explain to their insurance company that their car was struck by a Port-a-Potty. But at least it didn't kill them!
 
 
+33 Rank Up Rank Down
May 5, 2014
Hi, I'm from Recife (born and currently trapped in), the city where the thing went down (on the poor guy's head).
The toilet was ripped off the stadium. Actually, two were tossed. It has become clear it was not only one guy who took off the toilets, it was a group effort, from a "torcida organizada", something I could explain as "official hooligans". They did not aim specifically on one guy, they threw the objets from the top of the bleachers over the other team supporters, out of the stadium.
Although this didn't happen on the stadium where the World Cup matches will take place, it says a lot about the safeness of attending a soccer match in Brazil.
 
 
May 5, 2014
Harry Crowned by Porcelain Throne!
 
 
 
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