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Our usual method for determining what sorts of Dilbert products the public might want involves a process I like to call guessing. This is tricky because the people who are drawn to careers in, for example, the T-shirt arts, don't have a lot in common with the typical Dilbert reader who is, generally speaking, good at math.

Lately we've been wondering what type of Dilbert-themed toy, gadget, or decorative item you'd want for your cubicle, or as a gift for someone who is toiling in one. So I'm asking for your opinions.

Allow me to pause here to insert a crazy reader rant so you don't have to: MY GOD, DON'T YOU MAKE ENOUGH MONEY WITH DILBERT ALREADY?? WHY MUST YOU USE YOUR BLOG FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES? WORSE YET, YOU ARE TRYING TO TRICK US INTO DOING YOUR WORK! YOU SUCK! I WILL NEVER COME HERE AGAIN! AND MUSIC SHOULD BE FREE! RADIOHEAD RULES!!!

Okay, I'm back now.

I would think the perfect Dilbert feature for a cubicle would be more than just funny or whimsical. It should be practical and even solve some sort of problem. That's my take on who Dilbert readers are. In a word, you are optimizers. No matter what the situation, you tend to ask yourself "What's a more clever way to do that?"

A typical cubicle has crap all over the desktop, the whiteboard is full, if you have one, and any drawers and storage are crammed. But you might have a few feet of fabric-covered wall space to play with. So imagine a chess set featuring the Dilbert characters as various pieces, but they are push-pin design, so you can play on your cubicle wall. Or the pieces might be magnetic if you have a metal whiteboard. It's a cool concept until your weasel coworkers steal your knights, which are Dogberts, by the way.

I also fantasize about motion detectors disguised as Dilbert characters, placed outside your cubicle like a sentinel, that sends a wireless signal to your computer to hot-key out of your game as someone approaches.

Or how about a Dogbert doll for your desk that looks innocent, but actually has a switch on the bottom that sends a Bluetooth signal to your computer, then uses Skype to activate a robocall to your phone? That way when visitors overstay their welcome, you pretend to fondle your Dogbert doll and suddenly your phone rings.

Realistically, our licensees would probably make products that are simpler than what I just described. Imagine a Dilbert-shaped USB drive, or a Dogbert Unwelcome mat. Do you have a better suggestion?
 
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Dec 19, 2009
How about some seasonal characters. I have an Xmas Dilbert, but I'd like to get a whole set of the characteres so I can set it out as a sort of layman's creche at this time of year.
 
 
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Dec 11, 2009
A lunch box. Seriously. I pack my husband's lunch almost every day and I would like something fun to put it in. He relates to Dilbert and I know he'd like one, as long as it didn't look like a kid's lunch box.
 
 
Sep 21, 2009
Once again you've wasted away part of my morning.
Good job.
 
 
Sep 8, 2009
I want a flashlight type device that I can point at a presentation that will show a Dilbert character to express my emotions. For example, when someone says the name of the CEO they see Dogbert. When we need to debate or fight it is Alice. Is we absolutely do not care then it is Wally. Lastly, if it is too detailed we want Dilbert displayed.
 
 
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Sep 8, 2009
Dilbert Whiteboard sheets!

I am toiling away on the packaging for this item right now so it is in my frontal lobe.

Statically charged sheets of poly something or other that stick to almost any surface for instant whiteboarding. Then we overprint them with Dilbertesque borders and motifs.

Something any cublce dweller could be proud of in the next "What-The-%**&^@-Am-I-Doing-In-This-Meeting" meeting.
 
 
Sep 8, 2009
I worked for a company where, as legend has it, someone wrote a program to make key tapping sounds as if someone were typing. Then if that person could sleep sitting up, the could appear to be working while cat-napping. Perhaps if you could have someone write some kind of key tapping software with thoughtful pauses. I'm not sure why no one would have noticed that his fingers weren't moving, even though his key board was making typing noises. Apparently it didn't work, because he got caught. But with the key-tapper 3000 that issue will get resolved.

Another option would be a mechanical finger to nudge you when someone comes by. Just make the nudge pleasant...
 
 
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Sep 8, 2009
My favorite cubicle toy is a posable "Mr. Bill" figure about 6” tall. He is flexible enough so that I can either have him peering over the walls or doing stuff on top on my cabinet. Right now he is doing one-armed push-ups

Ray
 
 
Sep 8, 2009
How about something a little simpler, like a cubicle mirror (6 inch by 8 inch-ish) with a Dilbert Tie on it, or one with the pointy boss hair on it, etc.?
 
 
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Sep 7, 2009
I'd like a USB drive and laser pointer combo. It doesn't need to be Dilbert-themed in any way, but I'd see that as a bonus if it were. I have both the laser pointer and the USB drive as separate items on my key chain, but it seems like they could be combined, and reduce the number of non-key items in my pocket.
 
 
Sep 7, 2009
I like the last 2 ideas: motion detector and Dilbert doll that makes the phone ring - only I wish it were smaller, and could pass for any object, like a dilbert keychain, so when I unobtrusively fondle the keychain, the phone rings. I would pay maybe $50 for it, or around that range. My company makes everyone sit with their computers opposite the door so any passerby can see exactly what you're doing, and your back is to them. I would love a tasteful way (besides my Giant cosmetic mirror I keep) to look behind them. For me the main thing is stress, those stupid stressor-squeeze balls do nothing, if there was anything to relieve the stress during the day would make me feel better.. personally I don't like cube games because I don't want coworkers to come in, I'd rather goto their cubes lol
 
 
Sep 7, 2009
A Dilbert slide rule.
 
 
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Sep 7, 2009
I need a catbert toy that I can put on my PC but is actually a well-disguised catapult so that I can pelt my unsuspecting cubicle neighbor when she makes too much noise. Must come with projectile function so that we dont get caught (we being me and catbert). Preferably with a laughing function that I can pre-set to go off late into the night so that I can scare any of those late-stayers (aka market spoilers) with some weird ass maniacal laughter
 
 
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Sep 7, 2009
First of all: I really hate the fact that the coffee-mugs with Dilbert strips are gone. Shame on you!

The Dogbert Not-Welcome mat would also be nice. And when I visited your retaurant I got a little Catbert as a gift ... also neat.
 
 
Sep 7, 2009
Anything that clips to the side of the desk to stop things sliding off...
 
 
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Sep 6, 2009
How about a Dogbert "Kill" button? It doesn't do anything. It's just a button shaped like Dogbert that says "KILL". Whenever someone pisses you off, you push the button and yell, "KILL!!! KILL!!!!"

Or,

How about wind-up Dilbert characters? About 3 inches tall? You could do an Alice that punches, a Wally that drinks coffee, a PHB that wobbles like a weeble. and Dilbert, who, uhhhh, just stands around in stunned disbelief. You could get them made in China quite cheaply.

(Remember those little wind-up characters we used to stick to our windshields back in the 80's? I had two woodpeckers I nicknamed "Woody" and "Meathead" that I had on my front windshield. I wound them up and they would peck at the glass. Same effect.)

Or,

Toilet paper with PHB emblazoned upon. You wouldn't use it in the cubicle, unless you really had mental problems.....
 
 
Sep 6, 2009
I still love Dilbert's Desktop Games. It gave me countless hours of non-productivity in the office.

But now I'm mostly out of the office and a little more mobile compared to 10 years ago.

There should be an app for that.
 
 
Sep 6, 2009
I am still waiting for Dilbert chewable vitamins for geeks ...
 
 
Sep 6, 2009
not sure if this has been done before but.. How about a pointy hair boss puppet with management speak voice box. Sort of like those "tickle me Elmo" puppets that were popular a few years back. I was actually looking of one in your online store and was surpirsed you didn't have one.
 
 
Sep 6, 2009
In my cubicle, there's rom for creativity with my push pins, so how about some Dilbert push pins?

Or maybe something Dilbert related that hooks onto the top rim of my cubicle that digitially displays a random Dilbert strip every day? It would be cool to also have a desktop item that I can push a button and it digitally displays all past Dilbert comics, decorated with Dilbert characters and insignia.
 
 
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Sep 6, 2009
I haven't seen anyone mention this simple item and couldn't find one on your shopping site. How about a choice of coffee mugs. I know I'd want the whole set. Make sure they're oversize (16oz). Travel mug would be good too.

I really like Dynalyte's comments about being less tacky, etc. I think it gets lost in the humor sometimes, and I don't have to tell you, but A LOT of your jokes are based on scenarios that are quite real. Something more serious, more snooty, more angry? - that sends a message that not only do I love Dilbert, but I think I'm much smarter and hipper than you would be sweet. Dynalyte's idea of a day timer sounds excellent. Real leather, well tooled, with a muted Dilbert motif. You would make a killing selling refills...
 
 
 
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