Home
How long will it be before someone creates an application for the iPhone that has all of the advantages of a baby without the disadvantages? This would take the Tamagotchi concept (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamagotchi) a step farther.

Imagine a cute little CGI baby's face that fills the entire iPhone screen and is programmed to move like a real baby. You don't see the rest of the baby, just the big face. If you touch your finger to the baby's mouth, it starts sucking on it, essentially nursing. Its eyes would open and its little cheeks would start working.

The motion sensing technology of the iPhone would let you do everything from burping to rocking. And you could have some sort of humorous animated diaper changing sequence.

Obviously this application would be targeted at women. Thanks to evolution, most women get all gooey in the presence of a baby's face. You could kick this concept up a notch by programming the application to create a baby that is the combination of the user and the mate of her choice, based on morphed photos. The baby could even age, learning to speak and interact at about the same pace that artificial intelligence evolves in the iPhone. In time the application would seem just like a real child.

The best part of this idea is that someone is probably already working on it and will be pissed that it was described here before it launched.
 
Rank Up Rank Down Votes:  +4
  • Print
  • Share

Comments

Sort By:
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 14, 2009
Has absolutely no bearing on this post, but I don't know how to contact you otherwise. Anyway, I think someone in the Obama team must read your blog, since they seem to keep using your ideas: http://citizensbriefingbook.change.gov/
 
 
Jan 14, 2009
I take it everyone has already seen this...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=V7v8QAw_8Rs

Another iPhone application giving you many of the advantages of something without the accompanying disadvantages...
 
 
Jan 14, 2009
Yah !! if we're going to embrace thewhole gender predictability thing...go the George Clooney product ! With an option to dress him up - such outfits would include a tuxedo for that dream date, scuba gear but no bugie smuglers, a hawaiin shirt, or just jocks....if you prefer Brad Pitt or George W ... you can subscribe to change your adoring audience.
Why stop there ...how about an iphone spiritual guide, the pope or the dhali lama or John Edwards.
Or combine them all- a puppy with Clooneys voice who gives you deeply insiteful tips on how to dress for a formal occassion ???!!!
 
 
Jan 14, 2009
I was just wondering if the baby applications would be able to register a police complaint, if they are not being treated well, like -
- Dropping the baby
- Forgetting it at their friends house
- Slamming the baby in case the guardian's mood is not good.

 
 
Jan 13, 2009
I hope you are kidding Aardwizz, if it is to take care of our debilitated body we better have to invest in Apple.
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 13, 2009
Pretty sure any such thing would be banned in the UK as child !$%*!
 
 
Jan 13, 2009
**ALL** the advantages of a baby?!?

The big advantage is creating something that will take care of you in your old age. Will the A.I, in my phone evolve to the point where it will be able to take care of ME in a couple of decades???

What a concept......
 
 
Jan 13, 2009
What's the point of this artificial child? The very notion is appalling. "All the advantages with none of the disadvantages..."?

My children surprise me every day and my wife & I pause to share & enjoy these moments. "Daddy, is this the volt-meter?" from the 4yr old. "Happy New Year" from the 2 year old. There are moments when these little beings of cuteness & light seem bring out the worst in themselves and their parents, but conquering these challenges brings wisdom & understanding. No pain, no gain.

It's worth the thought experiment. I can appreciate my real children all the more. Crikey, I hope no one is really working on that. The world has enough losers.
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 13, 2009
There are advantages to having a baby?
 
 
Jan 13, 2009
Check out the nokia concept, baby app would work well on it:
http://www.nokia888.com/
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 12, 2009
Maybe scientists could just graft a phone on to a baby for a more lifelike experience. No doubt adoption clinics could benefit from working with technology giants in the mobile phone industry, scientists investigating links between microwave technology and illness would have a host of new research at their fingertips, photographing nappy changing would be a breeze, bathtime would be interesting and with bluetooth the phonebaby could even signal the replacement of those strangely cumbersome night-time baby monitors. I can't think of a downside. Not a single downside.
 
 
Jan 12, 2009
It's a pity you're right! every step we make bring us farther from what civilisation truely is, but there is probably no way back, is there?
 
 
Jan 12, 2009
(I didn't know that "po*n" is outlawed word).
 
 
Jan 12, 2009
"...that has all of the advantages of a baby without the disadvantages..."
LOL. It is like to think that watching !$%* on Internet has all of the advantages of real sex.
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 12, 2009
With sophisticated enough data collection and programming, you could even get it to self activate whenever a couple is in the first phases of conjugal intimacy.
 
 
Jan 12, 2009
not quite CG-only but your post reminded me that a woman I had jury duty w/ in '07 was home ec (or whatever the PC term is these days) teacher who was telling us about the computerized babys they had for her class. the short version is that they make realistic cries/noises and have "black boxes" that record EVERYTHING you do/don't do (changing, feeding, generally paying attention) INCLUDING accelerometers (i.e. if you shake it, hit it, etc the teacher knows) and orientation (i.e. if you leave it horizontal or vertical for too long at a time).

scary...
 
 
Jan 12, 2009
that is such a stupid idea.

Women will flock to it.
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 12, 2009
I'd like to hear more about what you feel are "the advantages of a baby" as well as your take on the disadvantages. Your post seems to say that the biggest advantages of having a baby are that you get to burp it, change its dirty diapers (albeit in a "humorous" manner) and breast feed it. And it doesn't seem to cover any of the disadvantages. Or did I miss something?

 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 12, 2009
How would you breast feed it? I'd love to see that.
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jan 12, 2009
PS Sorry about the badly edited text of my last post - you know what I mean. Typing faster than I can read.
 
 
 
Get the new Dilbert app!
Old Dilbert Blog