The movie Les Miserables just won the Golden Globe for best musical or comedy. If you haven't seen this movie, you might be tempted because of its award-winning ways. As a public service, I offer you my review of Les Miserables.

In a pivotal scene in Les Miserables, one of the main characters finds himself in a sewer, up to his nostrils in human waste, with a bullet in his torso, while being pursued by the authorities who have just killed all of his friends. This was my favorite scene in Les Miserables because I could relate to it. Watching that fucking movie feels exactly like being up to your nostrils in human waste, with a bullet in your torso, after the government has killed all of your friends. The main difference is that the movie is longer. Much, much longer.

I usually fall asleep during movies. If you put me in a darkened room for more than thirty minutes, it doesn't matter how good the entertainment is; I'll be off to dreamland before the opening credits are done. I tried hard to sleep through Les Miserables but I was continuously thwarted by something they call "singing." This movie was full of singing. And by singing, I mean the sad wailing of filthy, miserable people. If you would like to hear the entire soundtrack of Les Miserables without paying for a ticket, try punching your cat. But whatever you do, don't let your cat watch Les Miserables because that would be cruel. I don't care if your cat shredded your mattress and ate your wedding ring. The punishment would not be proportional to the crime.

Ann Hathaway played the part of a whining, mud-caked, Halloween skeleton who blamed the system for her problems. Typical liberal. Hugh Jackman played Wolverine, I think. I didn't catch a lot of the details because it's the sort of movie that makes your mind try to crawl out of your ear hole in search of anything that isn't the movie.

Les Miserables is such an unpleasant experience that it would make a great practical joke on people you don't like. If you have a coworker that you hate, suggest that he or she should see Les Miserables because it is so awesome. You might need to practice in front of a mirror before you can say it with a straight face. Mention that the movie won several Golden Globes.  And be sure to say the movie trailers don't capture the magic of the film. Remember to call it a "film," not a movie, because it sounds more substantial that way. I suspect that 80% of Les Miserables audiences are the victims of this sort of prank. I'm thinking the Golden Globes might be in on the joke too.

If you want to see the best movie of the past year, check out This is 40. Judd Apatow knows how to make a frickin' movie, and this is his best work to date. I laughed so hard at a scene involving a hand mirror that I thought I would need medical attention. Comedies don't usually win the big awards, but this one is a true masterpiece. The writing, directing, and comedic acting are superb.

If you try the Les Miserables practical joke on a friend, let me know how it goes.

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Jan 14, 2013

[I did not have very high hopes for Les Mis because musicals typically bore me to death, but I ended up really enjoying it. ]

Could you elaborate on this a bit? Was Scott wrong to say that the movie was unpleasant or that it was full of unpleasantness? Or is it the unpleasantness that you enjoyed?
Jan 14, 2013
Both Star Trek Deep Space Nine and Animaniacs did episodes based around Les Mis way back when, and having never seen the play I wanted to finally understand what the hell the whole thing was about. Frankly, the Animaniacs Les Mis spoof "Les Miseranimals" is more entertaining.

I'd somewhat gotten the impression that the entire Valjean-Javert thing was a bit like The Fugitive. You know, the Dr. Richard Kimble story. Instead it's something that gets pushed aside for other things and pulled out again when Victor Hugo ran out of ideas and needed to chance the setting. In the end it's more about the Paris June Rebellion than it is about a reformed ex-convict and his adopted daughter, and that entire thing screamed "bad idea" so loud it was pretty stupifying to watch.
Jan 14, 2013
A very visceral review, Scott. I truly *felt* your pain.
Jan 14, 2013
As a reader who normally agrees with many points that you make in your blog entries, I think this is "movie review" far beneath the typical thought-provoking entries that you normally write. I'll admit that I did not have very high hopes for Les Mis because musicals typically bore me to death, but I ended up really enjoying it. I find it amusing that you would use a Judd Apatow movie as a standard by which to compare any other movie since every single one of his movies follows the same formula: an over-exaggerated biopic on some life event about some sort of conflict and resolution with over-plyed witty lines thrown in for good measure. I laughed, but honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between the characters in that movie and any of his others, but that may be due to the fact all of his characters are the same and typically portrayed by the same actors. Like I said, I usually agree with your points of view but not this time.
Jan 14, 2013
@Mark Naught

Hmmm...maybe your wifes spiritual brothers and sisters were on the awards committee...
Jan 14, 2013
My wife: "It's a great movie. It was so sad, it made me cry."

Me: "Crying is not the optimal response to good entertainment."
Jan 14, 2013
Thanks. You may have just helped me dodge a bullet.
Jan 14, 2013
Thanks. You may have just helped me dodge a bullet.
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Jan 14, 2013
So the title is meant to describe the audience then?
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