A judge in New Zealand ruled that parents can't name their kid Talula Does The Hula.


This makes me wonder what would be the very worst name you could give a kid to guarantee he or she gets beat up three times a day. You can play at home. How about...

Yormoms Uskank

Awanna Feelya

Punchme Hardasyucan

Inailed Yursister

Whatsituyu Ayhole

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Jul 24, 2008
The worst part of that story is; that girl is 9 years old. She has had to live with that name for nine years. The story I read says she wouldn't even tell other kids what her name was (she had them call her 'K'). Pretty sad what people will do to their kids sometimes.
Jul 24, 2008
My father knew a guy with the name Richard Sole. Both perfectly harmless, but try and say his name with just an initail. R. Sole.
Jul 24, 2008
My wife claims to have a friend who knows a guy named:

Harry Ball

I personally know a guy named:

Randy Seamans
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Jul 24, 2008
Old time Texas governor Jim Hogg named his daughter Ima. True story.

Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Hogg

"James Stephen "Big Jim" Hogg (March 24, 1851 – March 3, 1906) was a Texas lawyer and statesman, and the Governor of Texas. He was born near Rusk, Texas. Hogg is often remembered for naming his daughter Ima Hogg, an odd name which derived from a poem written by James' brother, Thomas Elisha Hogg. The rumor that she had a sister named "Ura" is an urban legend."

Jul 24, 2008
Many years ago, during the usually-unfunny Victoria Jackson era, Saturday Night Live did a funny sketch featuring guest host Nicolas Cage and Jackson playing a couple expecting a baby. They're sitting around their apartment discussing potential names, and every time she comes up with a name, he has a reason why the kid would get beat up constantly with that name. Some of them are pretty implausible, along the lines of, "John?!?!?! That's the name of a toilet!" and such.

After a couple minutes too much of this, the doorbell rings, and a voice over the intercom announces, "Telegram for Asswipe Johnson," to which Cage indignantly responds, "It's pronounced AZ-WEE-PAY!"

My girlfriend (at the time) and I got a lot of mileage out of this. I would go over to her place, ring the bell, and she'd ask over the intercom, "Who is it?" I'd respond, "Telegram for Asswipe Johnson," and she'd respond, "It's pronounced AZ-WEE-PAY!" That was our secret code pretty much until we broke up (for entirely non-SNL-related reasons).

But I would definitely have to rank Asswipe Johnson at or near the top of the list of pretty terrible names.
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Jul 24, 2008
I prefer the subtler ones that look OK until you think of the nickname:

Benjamin Dover
Teresa Cloth
Maxwell Power
Randall Gay
Penelope Pyncheon
Cyrus Anide
Thomas Ato
Woodrow Schott
Franklin Znbeins
Jul 24, 2008
dash gang bleeper- the bleeped part is
" *Richard C O C K B U R N

*G R O A T and W A N G (honestly sounds like goat/wang when you read the cover)"
Jul 24, 2008
I have a friend named Stoney Brooks.
Jul 24, 2008
gosh darnit- the bleeped part is C O C K B U R N
Jul 24, 2008
Dude- nothing compares to working in a college bookstore. You wouldn't believe the REAL NAMES of some people who write textbooks.

*Kenneth Kardong (a comparative anatomy book)

*Richard !$%*!$%*!$%*!$%*!$ and Wang (honestly looks like 'goat/wang' when you read the cover)

*Steinkie and Peterson

*political science book by Cox (sounded funnier ten years ago...)

*Holt Reinhart and Winston Academic Solutions something- abbreviated HOLTASS in big bold letters across our book order

And when you organize enough textbooks by author's last name, the largest two letters will always end up as B and S.
Jul 24, 2008
Ivor Biggun
Paul !$%*!$
Jul 24, 2008
I had a principle in middle school named Dick Cole. I always wondered how Dick became the shortened form of Richard. And I always felt sorry for Dick Butkus. It's a good thing he was a big guy. Otherwise he probably would have gotten the crap kicked out of him in school.
Jul 24, 2008
Her dad was a local county cop in the 70's (rural area), his last name was Dick and he lived up to it. The dumb ass named his kid Anita. True story.
Jul 24, 2008
I would imagine the name Dilbert would not go over well.
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Jul 24, 2008
My sister gave both of her children 9 names (including the dual last names).

My nephew is:

Azzurro Thomas Irie Dragon Spider Azul Zimmerman Cadmus

When I first heard that I suggested instead "Beat my up and take my lunch money." You know, cut to the chase and all. I don't remember all of my neice's name off the top of my head, but it something like:

Violet Amythist Lilca Ella Buttercup Compolina .... Zimmerman Cadmus

Each name has a "reason" behind it. And, before you ask, the boy goes by "Ro Ro" and his sister just simply goes by "Violet." They are both too young to really know how bad they have it. Give it a few years and you'll be reading about them in the paper becoming a ward to the court.
Jul 24, 2008
I used to worked across from a man legally named Stoney Stone.

My cousin, a pharmacist, once wrote a prescription for a girl named S H I T H E A D (pronounce "Shy-theed"
Jul 24, 2008
I knew a guy whose name was Benjamin. It wouldn't be fair for me to post his last name here without his permission, but I will say that it is as ordinary as his first. You wouldn't think he'd have any problem in the name department, and he wouldn't, except for junk-mail spewing computers that don't read the names they are sending mail to. That's right: one day he received a letter addressed to !$%*!$%*!$ Jones. You think I'm joking, but I'm not.

I bet the important word in the last paragraph won't be visble thanks to the cuss filter, so I will spell it out again: B U T T F U C K E R.
Jul 24, 2008
When I was growing up my parents had a friend named Sterling Silver. No truth to the rumor that he named his son Higho.
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Jul 24, 2008
Buster Hymen
And how about the classic Biggus Dickus?
Jul 24, 2008
'Dickinson' should be outlawed.
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