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I am not what you would call outdoorsy. If I wanted anything that was outdoors, I'd hire someone to bring it inside where civilization lives. I like my shirts ironed and my plants made of plastic. If I have to go outside, I put on so much sunscreen it forms an encounter suit. I'm fully protected from all contact with nature unless an industrious mosquito tries to penetrate my hull. They usually give up in an hour or two.


Anyway, on my recent trip to Branson, we were staying at a hotel with both an indoor and an outdoor pool and spa. You already know which one I used. As I sat in the hot tub, inside the air conditioned building, I realized I was a full two layers away from nature, and I liked it. The air conditioning protected me from the heat outside, and the warm water of the hot tub protected me from the air conditioning. In time, the hot tub became too hot, and I wished I had some sort of thermos suit I could wear to take the edge off.


It's probably a coincidence, but on the way to the airport the next day I was nearly struck by lightning. It looked like a warning shot, but I'm going to call it a coincidence.

 
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Jul 23, 2008
Attaboy, Scott, break your arm patting yourself on the back for your thoughtfulness by not satirizing Microsoft. Don't feel any guilt about the thousands of slackers who will be turned down for their unemployment claims because they did not have Dilbert to cite in their argument that Vista (and not their web surfing) had everything to do with their dismissal from work.
 
 
Jul 10, 2008
So, completely unrelated, but I love self deprecating humor. I was catching up on the strips and when I got to the latest, about Dogbert's time management course, I got distracted. When I came back, the strip was front and center, but I couldn't figure out why in the hell Scott drew Dogbert on the stool with three hands, one pointing straight upwards with a Mickey Mouse style glove hand. I re-read the strip and the punchline a few times and things just weren't making sense. Then I moved my mouse and things did make sense.
 
 
Jul 9, 2008
So are you trying to tell us that after watching Nadal and Federer go at it at Wimbledon that you had no desire to run out and knock a few balls around on the grass? That you only play indoors where’s 72o, 30% humidity and the lights aren’t fluorescent?
 
 
Jul 9, 2008
Ghost writer's do get carried away. Does Scott have a five year old who is writing for him at times?
 
 
+5 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 8, 2008
I'd love to see how Dilbert and his coworkers get on in Nature. My guess is that Dilbert would take more of Civilization with him than he left behind. Either that or he'd be reduced to eating bugs within five hours. Likely, both.
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
If you spend too much time inside your body developps inside-post significa,which means that your body slowly beacomes allergic to O2
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
Indoors is for when I'm an old lady. And lightning is so rare where I am, when it does actually happen it makes the front page of all the newspapers. Nice temps, beautiful ocean, fun places to hike and camp - gotta enjoy it before Exxon/Mobile buys it all up.

But for pasty tasty bug treats and lightning rods like Scott, you can get your nature jollies in the bio-dome. I promise not to knock on the glass too often. :)
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
One of my favorite phrases: "Disdain for the wilderness is what separates us from the animals."
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
I'm no tree hugger, but I do enjoy nature and the outdoors (in small helpings). I've had encounters with bears, coyotes and many, many rattlenakes - and none of these incidents left me feeling as insecure as I have in any number of well populated neighborhoods around Los Angeles.

BTW - I used to feel very much like you do about these things.
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 8, 2008
Nice one! :-)

I remember when our building heater broke - it got stuck on "High". The only thing the IT guy could do before we got someone to fix it a few days later, was to blast the A/C full power, to try to compensate :-)
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
Nature bites the big one. Bugs crawl around, worms slither, and I sweat like a !$%*! in church. (wonder if you will block out w h o r e?)

Everyone thinks I died, I bet? Scott hasn't posted my ONE comment since I retired and am using the ex-Marine's computer at home. Oh,well. Nobody wanted an update on my health problems, anyway. (Nothing has changed.)

Had to change my user name as the one I used at work was already taken.

Talk about nothing changing.......................man! Politics as usual. Who gives a rat's ass? (Will a s s be blocked out? Should I have said "back side"? This is so much pressure -- cleaning up my language is hard. Will h a r d be blocked out?)

Miss you all, but that's the way it goes. Bobby says "hi." BWAHAHAHAHA

Rita Mae



 
 
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Jul 8, 2008
I agree, Scott. Being outdoors is great when you're a kid and don't know any better, (and your mom doesn't want you inside all the time...), but as an adult it sucks. I'm no longer a Cub Scout, camping out with my friends thinking about how great it is to get away from our parents by sleeping on the ground and getting eaten alive by insects.

I like things such as A/C, indoor plumbing, cable TV, the Internet, and having a refrigerator just a few steps away. Yes, you can buy an expensive, energy gulping RV with all that stuff and go out in the woods, but my house has all that already and doesn't need gasoline. I have plenty of trees in the back yard, so do I need to go see different trees elsewhere? They all look alike to me...
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
Nature doesn't want you in it, either. Please stay indoors....
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
This is why Mars will never be terraformed: because it will be colonized by people like Scott. (And I think that's a good thing -- terraforming is probably kinda pricey.)
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
I used to be outdoorsy, but i got it out of my system when I was young. Now going outdoors means stepping out on to the deck and flipping the steaks.
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
Still no mention of the bathrooms? The bathrooms in Branson are legendary (according to my wife's family in Arkansas).
 
 
Jul 8, 2008
Is it anti-matter sunscreen?
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 8, 2008
you are an indoor guy and you like Tennis? It would be a damn shame if you live in Cali. and play indoor Tennis.

 
 
Jul 8, 2008
I was going to say 'If you love the indoors so much..why don't you marry it?' but I want to save that good a comeback for later...

To each his own. I like the outdoors but I'm respectful of it and I'm no gosh-darned tree hugger.
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 8, 2008
I appreciate it is not socially acceptable, but we caravan. It offers all the comforts of home - double bed, electricity, clean sheets, wireless internet access via the cellphone - but step out the door and you're out in the wild.

Plus you can pick-and-choose something new each time. My best is our game parks - just 90 minutes from the centre of Johannesburg and you can be in the bushveld watching the warthogs mow the lawn. And when you hear hooves, it is more likely to be zebras.
 
 
 
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