I am not what you would call outdoorsy. If I wanted anything that was outdoors, I'd hire someone to bring it inside where civilization lives. I like my shirts ironed and my plants made of plastic. If I have to go outside, I put on so much sunscreen it forms an encounter suit. I'm fully protected from all contact with nature unless an industrious mosquito tries to penetrate my hull. They usually give up in an hour or two.

Anyway, on my recent trip to Branson, we were staying at a hotel with both an indoor and an outdoor pool and spa. You already know which one I used. As I sat in the hot tub, inside the air conditioned building, I realized I was a full two layers away from nature, and I liked it. The air conditioning protected me from the heat outside, and the warm water of the hot tub protected me from the air conditioning. In time, the hot tub became too hot, and I wished I had some sort of thermos suit I could wear to take the edge off.

It's probably a coincidence, but on the way to the airport the next day I was nearly struck by lightning. It looked like a warning shot, but I'm going to call it a coincidence.

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Jul 8, 2008
I can never understand why people go camping. The camp grounds are dirty and messy and full of bugs, and there are always opportunities for encountering large animals.
I prefer a nice hotel with toilet and bathtub.
A short weekend outdoor thing is good, but why some people want to deny civilization and all its advantages? e.g. the Amish.
Jul 8, 2008
You people who hate nature are SCREWED when the inevitable societal collapse happens.

In all seriousness, I try to avoid air conditioning unless absolutely necessary just so I don't become too acclimated to it. It makes you such a wuss when you actually have to tolerate heat. Most of my family keep every aspect of their lives completely climate controlled, so any time we have a cookout they're all either sweltering or huddled inside. It's sad.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 8, 2008
Today's post reminds me a little of Jack Handey. Not your typical stuff but I like this too.
Jul 8, 2008
I'm outdoorsy, but luckily not American. You're all weird about that. In my country same people walk around in suits and dresses during the week and go kayaking and mountaineering during the weekends. I don't think there is a better way to relax from stress at work than in the nature.
Jul 8, 2008
I'm going to have to disagree w/you on this:

one of the few GOOD things about having spent six years in Ozark, AR (not too far south of Branson) growing up was all the outdoor stuff - camping, hiking, canoeing, etc. you couldn't put enough 0s on a check to get me to live there again but at the same time that experience has actually been good for me as an adult - there's a lot of stuff you learn growing up "n' the hills" that you don't in a city...
Jul 8, 2008
Maybe lightning is attracted to cartoonists. Just the other day I was working on my comic strip at my drawing table, and only 15 feet outside the window sparks exploded as lightning struck. I'm just glad I wasn't inking the strip at the time...
Jul 8, 2008
I don't understand nature enthusiasts. Don't they know nature is constantly trying to kill you? It's like searching out serial killers and trying to mimic their particular victim type.
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jul 8, 2008
Hi Scott,

Nature is a harsh mistress. Every time I have almost been killed it has been interacting with nature. My epitaph will read "lost at sea." I had been doing well with nature until recently. Last time I mowed my lawn she got angry and sent some poison ivy after my legs. Serves me right for mowing in short pants. Oh well, heed the warning shot and stay inside, she is mad at you for something. Must be for eating all of nature's wonderful greens.

How are you ever going to win at Wimbledon without going outside?


Jul 8, 2008
I'm with you, Scott, nature sucks. I was in bed yesterday reading when a spider came down from the ceiling on a single strand of web directly in front of my face. Ordinarily, I'm not afraid of spiders, however, this spider was approximately an inch across and two inches from face. I was pretty surprised and the spider was probably offended by my language. Goddamn nature.
Jul 8, 2008
Scott - I understand completely. My idea of roughing it is when the hotel has room service cutting off at midnight. They created air conditioning and window screens for people like me. I haven't encountered lightening up close lately (well, it did hit the trees in the woods behind my house recently, but that doesn't count) - but you have to realize it was probably because you left your family with your in-laws that it happened, not that you're an anti-nature person.
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