I love pirates. I love their parrots, their wooden legs, their eye patches, and obviously their AAARGS! But I have never loved pirates more than the day they seized a fully laden supertanker off the coast of Somalia.


We should have seen this coming. I blame Obama and his whole "Yes I can" philosophy. Suddenly even the pirates are thinking big. Six months ago these pirates were probably robbing convenience stores. After they saw Obama get elected president, they figured anything was possible.

The funny part is that they are probably right. No one is going to start shooting in the general direction of a supertanker (except pirates), and the pirates have an excellent track record for releasing hostages unharmed for a price. It looks like this scheme might work.

I wish I had seen the meeting where they first cooked up this supertanker plot. There must have been a whole lot of audacity of hope, and obviously some potent cannabis. I wonder if the other pirates laughed when one of them suggested the idea, or if it sounded like a good plan right from the start. And is there a Somalian pirate equivalent of the catch phrase "That's just crazy enough to work!"?

I have to wonder where this trend will stop. If you are hijacking supertankers, it can't be that much of a leap to complete the distribution chain and make some real money. Somewhere in Somalia a band of pirates is passing a bong and designing logos for their chain of gas stations. I can see it now: You get a free eye patch with every tank, and the price is always AAAARG!

Today only, all of your comments should incorporate AAAARG!

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Nov 18, 2008
"Crude oil isn't flammable."

The early-90s oil fields of Kuwait would beg to differ. No, it doesn't have the volatility of many refined petroleum products but I'd still keep my distance. Now if only those pesky hostages weren't in the way...

This all has the makings of another horrible (great?) Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

Nov 18, 2008
AARRRRR!!!! Are these the same pirates that stole the freighter full of Russian Tanks? That was like a month ago but at that point pirating became a legitimate....uh....profession and/or issue. I attribute it to the sudden popularity of the Disneyâ„¢ films that glorify the life of a pirate. I imagine a huge group of desititute young somlian men with boats and a dream....a dream to be just like those pirates. Yes they too wanted to be like Depp or Bloom. But in this sudden spur of the moment decision they realized that Disneyâ„¢'s treacherous lies about bad hygeine, near inebriation, and disturbing plot twists would not ,in fact, attract Keira Knightley. So in pirate like angst they seized tanks, oil, and will probably be "requisitioning" boats out of spite for the horrible disappointment they have for a dream that was crushed. I had a dream too once. It was that Disneyâ„¢ would make a good film without Pixarâ„¢, but like those somalian pirates....my dreams were crushed too. But in my anger, I made my friends watch the movies...and now they too know my pain.....arrr!

+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Nov 18, 2008
I approve of piracy as a crime. I think it fell out of style and needs to make a return - Frankly, I blame ninjas. Ninjas just look cooler, and they get all the credit for being bad-ass fighters.

Pirates of the Caribbean helped a bit, but most people realize that's not how things really were. Long voyages, no women, cabin boy wandering around trying to keep his back to the wall... That sort of thing hurt the image while ninjas were raking up all of the cool once THEIR movies got more popular. Sure, they weren't anything like the movies either, but the reality there was a lot better then pirates had.

It's about time for a makeover, and I'm hopeful that we will see it happening. I don't believe that piracy is among the worst crimes personally - I'd consider rape pretty bad, murder certainly, actual terrorism, yes, and if the pirates commit THESE crimes WHILE committing piracy, then I offer them a stern "Arr, ye don bad, matey, an' ye should be thrown into t' brig or made t' walk t' plank!"

Which brings me to another point: Walking the plank. I think we need to bring it back, for some crimes at least. Not major crimes, of course - those people just need to be killed (leaving aside a discussion on capital punishment .) I mean for petty crimes, like jaywalking, speeding, talking on cell phones in the movie theaters, and people who figit during sermons. Chain them up, drag them onto one of the ships at Disneyland or somewhere and make them walk the plank into the kiddie pools.

I'm not a big fan of cruel and unusual punishment. Stick with one or the other and don't try to get exotic. If you make an experience humiliating enough you're going to deter the second offense. You're not going to end all the major crimes just by wishing hard for it. Start small and work your way up. Clean up the cities of street theater and scum like that first, then work your way to the drug lords and gangs.

The only thing bad about piracy that I can tell, is that it isn't feasible to use traditional pirate ships in this day and age. That would be nostalgic and, honestly, awesome. I wonder how one gets into the piracy gig anyway. Do you start off on a fishing boat and take over other fishing boats until you're ready to try for a yacht or something? Do you charter a cruise, stage a mutiny and start from there, or do you check Craig's List for "Wanted: Score of good men cabin boy for pirate crew, PM for details."?

-3 Rank Up Rank Down
Nov 18, 2008
It is a shame that every time there is something happening in the wold there is someone from the US there to claim that they are the only ones doing something about it.
While the US is present so is damm near everyone else.
In fact the primary force there is under Danish command.
But yes oil tankers are a pretty good idea, you can't really risk the massive pollution from punching holes in those. That means small arms, and small arms means greater chance of casualties.
The pirates have good business sense in these modern days you want collatoral all the way until you can disappear in a city. And storming someone who has NEVER killed hostages without provocation is bad publicity- but might be good policy.
Nov 18, 2008
Can someone explain to me the difference between the AAAARG! occurring off the coast of Somalia and the AAAARG! one hears in the Corporate Boardrooms now days?
Nov 18, 2008
AAARRGGGHHH!!! I was missing these post, i love them!!!

I'll never forget your post about the guy f*****ing a dead deer.

General Nonsense rules AARRRGGGHHH
Nov 18, 2008
Why do you beleive that firing at Super Tankers is a dangerous thing?

Crude oil isn't flammable. Their hulls are pretty thick. I say's 'AARG' Batten down the hatches and let the cannons roar. If the oil slick don't kill them, the eco-terrorists surely will."

Now if they can just hijack a refinery, they just might be able to drive around in those sharp looking Russian tanks they aqquired some time back.

Nov 18, 2008
AAARRRGGGG ! Sorry Scott, but this is one of the rare occasions I totally disagree with you. This is not funny at all and these creatures are among the worst criminals that populate this planet. Many private boats, fishermen and commercial vessels have been hijacked by them already and numbers are increasing dramatically. That it was a supertanker this time does not make it any better. The crew members who suffer are innocent, hard working people.
These pirates should be hanged, drawn and quartered, keelhauled and finally shot on the spot, and I mean this honestly.
Nov 18, 2008
Aarrrrgggg, I'm guessing the guy who suggested they try to keep the fuel died in a horrible siphoning accident involving a really big hose. Even if they could steer the tanker, and dock it someplace willing to offload the fuel, I'm guessing those people could then be arrested as well, so it is not likely. I'm still not sure how these pirates get paid their ransom, do they take a cheque before they get back in their little boat and drive away? "Aarrrrggg, they stopped payment again.."
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Nov 18, 2008
Wholly AAAARGonauts Batman! There are 11 ships in the world currently in the hands of pirates? And a ship three times the size of a U.S. aircraft carrier can be manned by a crew of only 25 people? Maybe if you're shipping $100 million of crude through pirate infested waters you should hire a small private security detail to augment your numbers a bit. I mean wasn't hiring mercenaries the best way to deal with pirates in the 16th century?

Go Obama! AAAARGyle socks for some, miniature AAAARGentinian flags for others!

Nov 18, 2008
Pirates used to say, "Yarrr", not "AAAARG" nor "Aaaargh". When did they drop the "Y"?
Nov 18, 2008
Aaaarg, me hearty. So ye be thinkin' that piracy be a romatic way of life, aye? But what makes them pirates but they be on the water? Would ye be thinkin' they be so noble if it were they be on land, and highjacked a tanker trailer full of petrol, for ransom or profiteering?

There be nothing grand about common theivery and knaves who be operatin' in the waters off of Somalia.

A fer yer information, International Talk Like a Pirate day were two months ago. http://www.talklikeapirate.com/

+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Nov 18, 2008
Scott, I wonder if that bong of which you speak isn't merely being passed from one hand to the other in your very office:

Obviously it's not "Aaaarg". It's supposed to be "Arrrr!", unless the pirate you're imitating is somehow trapped underneath a combine harvester (which rarely happen to pirates, as I understand).

http://www.talklikeapirate.com :

Quote from the site:

"Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr! "

Nov 18, 2008

As if they needed an excuse in order to raise fuel prices... AAAARGH!
Nov 18, 2008
Okay, now these are the same Saudi's that protected the terrorists from 9/11 and they're complaining about losing a tanker full of crude? HHMMM but isn't that God saying 'AARRGGGG' paybacks are heck?
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