There are few things I enjoy as much as a good conspiracy theory. The upcoming election in the United States will be fascinating because there is a high probability we will find out if there are any hidden puppet masters running the United States. That would happen if, for example, Obama is clearly ahead in the polls in November but somehow loses the election. I consider both of those outcomes likely.

Obama's tax plan involves taking money from the presumed puppet masters (rich people and corporations) and divvying it up among the people he hopes will vote for him (the masses). The only way that approach could fail with voters is if there really are puppet masters and they really are determining who gets to be president.

Fasten your seatbelt.

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Jun 14, 2008
That sort of think will fly when things are close. McCain is an incredibly week candidate. Now people can communicate on the internet it will be hard to keep any shinanagains a secret. And after what happened in 2004 Ohio people will be looking for it.
Jun 14, 2008
The trouble with conspiracy theories is that they can always be invoked - they can explain why Obama isn't elected or why he is.

Case in point: Geo. Bush (Sr.)'s re-election defeat by Bill Clinton. The Reagan-Bush-Quayle dynasty-to-be fell apart when Bush lost to Clinton. Bush, former Director of the CIA, losing to an Arkansas governor accused (correctly) of being a womanizer. Surely, that should trump the CIA-Conspiracy Theorists, right? Wrong. Then, the CIA CT's pointed out that Clinton was instrumental in allowing the airport in Mena, Arkansas, to import the coke that funded the Contras, while Bush, Sr., had shut-down the coke-guns-money shell game being run through Panama by having Noreiga "arrested" and imprisoned. So Bush, Sr., became less the CIA's man than Clinton, who took his payouts in blow and threw wild parties at the Governor's mansion with coked-out topless cheerleaders (the most effective kind in my book) running amok.

See, the point is, you can always make a conspiracy theory, either way anything goes. Maybe they're real, but maybe they cancel each other out, too. It was said that the original JFKennedy-Nixon ('60) election was fixed twice, once by each side, and that the Kennedy clan was just more clever in rigging the election than the Nixon supporters (which was also said to include the CIA).

My own theory is that the "Puppet Masters" are amateurs wasting their money trying to influence history, who eventually realize they aren't getting their money's worth, and go back to snorting coke off hookers' breasts all day long, which is a lot more fun than running the world anyway.
Jun 14, 2008
If there is a "Puppet Master", the puppets must be monkeys.

And the strings must be really snapping now.

Look at all the monkeys dance!

And mostly the right ones!

Money or Monkey.

One letter off.

Today Only!

Jun 14, 2008
I wonder if the Government actually believe in the 'People anymore
Jun 13, 2008
The puppet master's practice is nicely presented by committees like Basel II. Only the theory discounts the physical presence of a President !!!
Jun 13, 2008
Going by that theory, the elections of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush have already proven the existence of said puppet masters.

Or, alternately, voters that understand real economics.
Jun 13, 2008
OMG. Scott. Your infinite monkey website generator has succeeded in getting the 'Remember Me' function to work. I'm stunned. I'm inexplicably grateful. Clearly, I need to get a life.

For my next request, I was hoping it would be possible for each comment to display how many flags it has received - it seems unlikely that only 20 people read your blog, yet I haven't seen a comment with a higher rank than that, so clearly the effect of many people ranking is to keep the overall number quite low. It would be really interesting to see how many people had expressed an opinion on the comment.
Jun 13, 2008
Typical liberal attitude. If my candidate doesn't win, it can't be because their (and my worldview) is flawed, it has to be a conspiracy. It has to be some nefarious 'puppet master' that is pulling the strings, it couldn't possibly be that the two coasts are hopelessly out of touch with the rest of the country.
Jun 13, 2008
Nice work, Scott! When it comes to riling up the masses, nothing compares to a Friday whacko-conspiracy theory pulled from your nether regions to tip them over the edge!
-6 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 13, 2008
some of the "masses" don't think it is right to steal from someone else to give to a "poor" person. wealth envy is what the communists did in Russia to foment their communist revolution. Please Scott, read Ayn Rand
Jun 13, 2008
Your "puppet masters" sure are an odd lot. They are smart enough and powerful enough to secretly rule the US, possibly even the world, but they have Homer Simpson moment the day of the election?

"DOH! Who let black guy win? Who was supposed to be watching this!?"
Reches over and hits giant red button with 'Looses' written on top.
"Whew! Problem solved."

Or maybe instead, they aren't retarded, and a very non-issue issue appears, like lets say, he refuses to wear 'tighty whities' and prefers colorful 'boxers'. The media declares him a racist and opinion polls drop like stones as the media plays 4 second clips of him saying "I don't like them, they make me fine confined" over and over with the only break being McCain telling everyone he goes commando cause he believes in true freedom and the american way.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 13, 2008
Do you remember the days after 9/11 when bushie established a shadow government in an undisclosed location to take over in the event the current government officials are taken over by terrorists or in bushie's case his governing becomes dysfunctional?

Well, the shadow government has taken over and being a shadow government no one knows that they have taken over except the readers of the Dilbert Newsletter - being Dilbert readers we are immune to the influences of the shadow government.

The shadow government already proved its power and influence over the election process with the 2004 election and will do so again in 08.
All readers of this post - you will disregard it and forget it as soon as you read this. Signed Jeb Bush, shadow government president.

-3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 13, 2008
No way in hell I'm voting for Obama. He's the least qualified for the job and relies heavily on "inspiring" people.
Jun 13, 2008
The other way Obama will loose.

Strait line R voters (there are a heck of a lot)
Religious sheep voters (even more)
Hillary supporters who cut off their nose to spite their face (10% of Hill-zelots)
Apathetic non-voters
Obama's "in the can" non-voters
= A big obstacle that is puppet master free...
Jun 13, 2008
You are either getting wackier in your old age, or are trying to purposely say really stupid things just to rile everyone up. In either case, this is one of your wackiest or most stupid. And considering some of the other things you've posted, that's really saying a lot.

Here's the big challenge Barack Obama faces: he's black. That means a lot of people will say they're voting for him, because they don't want to seem like they are racist or politically incorrect. But when they actually get in the voting booth, whammo! They'll look at his lack of qualifications and his various hangers-on, and decide they just can't do it.

So you will quite possibly end up with the polls saying he's leading, but he'll get hammered in the general election. This doesn't mean that the "puppet masters" are sneaking into the polling places and changing votes - it just means that when it gets right down to it, what people say and what people actually do, particularly in a charged, PC-laden election, are often two very different things.

Take a look at Tom Bradley's race for California governor in 1982 (admittedly when we were in a "less enlightened" time, but it's still instructive). The polls showed Bradley, a black man, with a double-digit lead going into the day of the election - but when the results came in, George Deukmejian was elected governor. Then take a look at the New Hampshire primary between Obama and Clinton. Obama led comfortably in the polls, and then lost by 9% in the election.

I'm sure it's much more fun for you to think the will of the people (read, "When the people you want to win don't win") is thwarted by the "puppet masters," but it just isn't so. Polls can be wrong. They can be biased, and they are much more easily influenced or skewed than an actual election could be. Occam's razor is in play here - if it's easier to skew a poll than an election, then if there is a disparity between the two, it's probably the poll that is in error.

Your reaction, though, is typical for a Democrat. When a Republican loses the election, he tries to figure out why his or her message didn't carry, and why people didn't vote for him or her. When a Democrat loses an election, he screams that the election was rigged, and sues.

Guys on your side of the fence just can't believe it when they lose an election. So they blame the "puppet masters" even though they don't have one shred of evidence. And what do you care, anyway? You don't even vote. Thank God.

0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 13, 2008
Most of the people who bother voting are the more intelligent people that realize a government that increases taxes to rich people and corporations risk those corporations moving overseas to much cheaper countries and taking the jobs and tax base with them.

I'm surprised you haven't thought of that.

Sorry for the first run on sentence.
Jun 13, 2008
I don't think it's safe for me to tell you what I think because THEY'RE reading this too you know.
+7 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 13, 2008
Conspiricy or not, I'm all for the puppet masters. I don't make $250K per year, but if Obama is elected I know my taxes (and Capital Gains taxes) will go up, along with prices. The rich corporations will just charge more to make up for the tax losses. Taxing the rich has never worked, it only hurts the little man. The rich just keep their money instead of investing it, and then the economy slows down, and then the little man (me) really gets screwed. I know it's an old cliche, but I've never worked for a poor man.
Jun 13, 2008
Who has to rig an election when the candidates are both yours?
Jun 13, 2008
Conspiracy theories are fun.

My theory is somewhat as follows.
The extended battle between Obama and Clinton was orchestrated and intentionally done by the nominees themselves or at least by those truly handling the situation.

If Hilary had conceded way back in Feb or March, neither of these two candidates would have gotten the volume of press that they have. They wouldn't have created the level of interest in the election and wouldn't have drawn out the fringe voters that have come out of the woodwork. A large number of these people will possibly now stay awake for the Nov election.

Neither candidate is stupid yet both Obama and Hilary (and Bill Clinton as well) have done, said and had stupid things happen around them that have given the other side a bit of an edge when needed.

The trick now is for Obama and Clinton to come together as running mates as has been planned for ages without making it seem forced or inevitable.

Together they have plenty of time to now focus on defeating McCain and healing any of the divisivness that their nomination battle may have created.

I'm willing to believe it. :-)

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