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A spy informs me that one firm is already telling its employees to avoid shaking hands as a way to lower the risks of swine flu. I can see this sort of policy catching on. My informant wonders what sort of greeting should replace the handshake. I'm on it.

There are few times in history when you have a chance to create a new and lasting custom. I say we put our collective minds together and come up with a business greeting that involves no skin-to-skin contact and no exchange of bodily fluids.  I will open the bidding by suggesting the forearm bump. I already use this method jokingly with my friend who has germ issues. It's like crossing swords except you cross your sleeved forearm. The cooties don't have time to penetrate two layers of sleeves. Or so he thinks.

This new swine flu greeting still needs something extra, such as both people saying, "Huzaaa!" when their forearms touch.

An alternate move would involve making a fist and holding it up to your snout sideways, as if you are forming a pig's snout, snorting then finishing with a fist bump. That's still hand-on-hand contact, but at least it's the clean side.

Who has a better idea for a handshake replacement?
 
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Apr 29, 2009
I would advise the "Koo!" greeting, click the link below to see a sample.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3qEBXoeqNI#t=3m45

For starters, your all Russian (Soviet-background, to be correct) colleagues will recognize it instantly and accept it at once. Thus, there is already the initial user pool.
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
Namaste ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste

It is much easier than Japanese bowing and no hierarchy is involved. It roughly translates to "I respect that divinity within you that is also within me".
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
It should totally be the chin-nod: where you jerk your chin up in a reverse nod to greet people. it's totally hard core
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
well I think the Japanese and other Asian cultures already have an alternative greeting. Bow to each other. No contact at all. It also establishes seniority/superiority/etc. because how far you bow determines the amount of respect you are giving... And the one who bows deeper shows more respect.
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
Ian Anderson (of Jethro Tull fame) prefers rubbing elbows. Mainly he does it to spare his fingers any trauma, since as a flutist he relies on them for his livelihood.
 
 
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
Hey, I have a question. I want to create a complete strip but found that I could only create the first area or create a new punch line. Does anyone know how to create words in all 3 (or whatever) boxes?? WJ
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
I love the Huzaa! I'm not so sure about the forearm bump. In most cultural greetings there is a subtle dominant/submissive element involved. In hand shakes, one person squezes harder, in Japan one person bows lower, in the military, junior personnel have to salute, etc etc. Do I get to knock someone over with my forearm while screaming Huzaa at the top of my lungs? I SO hope this catches on.
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
Well I think the Japanese solved this problem centuries ago, a simple bow does the trick.
 
 
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
Has no one seen Demolition man? High five that stops a few inches shy of contact, then a vigorous "wax on"!
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
I don't really agree with the "Forearm Bump" for the simple reason that in many parts of the world (like in India where I live, for example) the forearms are quite often not clothed. It's just too hot for that.

I like the idea of the "Rump Bump" as suggested by another commenter above. I think a "Shoulder Bump" would also be a good try -- if at all once is inclined to go with the "bump" as the plan.

I also remember reading somewhere that as far as avoiding the spread of germs and diseases is concerned, the hug is actually a safer option and the handshake. Interesting.

However, it's not necessary for contact at all. A salute, for example, could do as well. It doesn't have any major problems associated with it.

Or how about just showing someone the middle finger? Let's take that and make it a good thing. Possible? I don't know.

Arnold D'Souza
http://fairmaidenintrouble.blogspot.com
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
We solved this months before a solution was ever needed. In the movie A Knight's Tale the knights would greet each other before the joust by smacking their armor (chest) with their fist, and then raising their palm to face the other knight. It's a long-running joke in our class, but it's also a great way to get the proffesionalism of a handshake, the casualness of daps (fist-bump), and the joy of of handshake, all without any contact.
 
 
+4 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
The vulcan hand salute. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulcan_salute
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
Simply slap your business cards together.
 
 
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
This guy (Thomas Sandberg) has a better idea for replacing the handshake. And he needs Scott's help as a capable writer to make it happen.

http://nationalfistbumpday.org/
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
I like to forearm bump idea; no skin contact, no squeezing issues like a handshake, no coordination issues like a high five or hand bump. It would have a definitive meaning, unlike a nod

Now, how do we get this to catch on?

And why am I being reminded of Sanitorium?
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
Apr 29, 2009
For the best protection it will need to be contact in an area that is always clothed in public. The obvious choice is the rump bump.
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
The forearm bump, I love it!

Huzzah!
 
 
Apr 29, 2009
There should be a better way that involved no contact at all, such as an air high-five. I don't think there has to even be a sound that goes with it. Maybe saying "What up?" could loosen everyone up.
 
 
 
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