When I'm walking the dog, and she squats to do her business, I reach into my pocket like a good citizen and take out a plastic poop bag. The bags are slippery and hard to open. The only solution is to lick a finger and give myself enough temporary gripping power to pry it open. The problem with this solution is that I'm licking my finger while thinking of dog crap. This never fails to creep me out.

But I topped it yesterday. I was working out at the gym and felt a powerful thirst. The gym provides large paper cups near an ice and water dispenser. I filled my cup, slapped on a plastic lid, and inserted the straw. So far, so good.

As I was happily slurping away, I entered the locker room and the first person I saw was a man in his mid sixties with a towel around his waist, blow drying his hair. Suddenly, to my horror, he put the blow dryer under the towel and started drying his junk. . . while I was sucking on a straw. I was temporarily blinded and I forgot most of my childhood.

Am I the only person routinely afflicted by the proximity problem?
Rank Up Rank Down Votes:  +23
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+1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
I have been unfortunate enough to witness a similar scene at my local gym except the perpetrator didn't feel the need to wear a towel. I had to use a power drill and a soldering iron to remove that image from my brain.
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
I sure hope that was a personal dryer and not one provided by the club. :-/
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
Why would you take your bond portfolio into a gym with you? Does a blow dryer really inflate the price?
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
To dsg: maybe that's why women have no problem having whole conversations while going. We're completely separated by a wall and we don't actually have to touch ourselves until afterwards.
May 6, 2009
you got to skip the baby phase w/your kids - that desensitizes you to anything gross...
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
I once had a boss who was a urinal talker. He would step right up next to you and start a meeting while going. A coworker was complaining about this and said he wasn't sure why it really bothered him. I explained I had the same problem because I just do not like to talk to another guy while holding my junk.
0 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
My situation was a little different but I was reminded of it from your story. I saw my brothers throwing lizards into the lake and the ducks were eating them when I was a kid. Somehow I related this to sour cream and onion dip and chips (I guess that was what I had to eat before I witnessed this atrocity). For years I could not eat that dip without getting totally grossed out.

+12 Rank Up Rank Down
May 6, 2009
Imagine being the poor guy who was drying his junk when someone walks in slurping a straw.
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