I'm in the process of trying to build a house. And by "build a house" I mean I am paying other people to do it. My contribution was in the planning stage. I tried to think of everything I might reasonably want in a house, so the design would be complete. Now that the plans are finalized, I keep hearing ideas I wish I had included. This happened again when I read about the legal problems of Broadcom co-founder and billionaire Henry T. Nicholas. This guy had an underground party room in his mansion that his wife didn't know about. How cool is that?


I am totally slapping myself in the head now because I never once thought about including a secret underground party lair in the plans. Now it's too late. And I suspect Shelly will be closely watching the construction phase, asking a lot of questions such as "Is that the pantry or the entrance to a secret underground party lair?"

To make things worse, I am exactly the sort of person who would build a house with a secret underground lair. But I probably wouldn't use it for parties because I'm selfish. I would just say I was on a business trip and go hide in there. All I'd need is a TV, refrigerator, and a toilet. It could all be in one room. I wouldn't even need overhead lights as long as the TV was always on. And obviously a chair would be redundant if you have a toilet. Easy peezy is the way I like it.

I'd use my secret lair to watch all the TV shows I can't watch with my family, such as Battlestar Galactica, and Southpark. The only risk is that it might sound a bit pathetic when the authorities raid my house for Garfield copyright infringement and discover that I have an underground television lair. There is no type of beard I can grow that would make that situation seem cool.

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+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
You need to add a few things to your lair.

#1 - padding on your toilet seat. Your ass WILL get numb after a while.
#2 - a sink, with soap and running water. I'm pretty sure you won't actually regress to the point of not washing your hands after you poop, and then putting your poopy hands all over your refrigerated banana. Gross.
Jun 10, 2008
What you describe sounds remarkably like "The Man's Bathroom" from "Home Improvement". In there they had a tv behind the mirror, a refrigerator filled with beer, a closet with all of your snacking needs, and the centerpiece to it all "The Lazy Bowl 2000" which was a combination toilet and recliner. There was more to the bathroom as well but it sounds like all you needed to add was a secret entrance and you've got your secret room.
0 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
That's where you need an experienced and creative contractor. My hubby adds little things that just delight the people for whom he is building homes. Things like outside, top of the wall electrical outlets for christmas lights...and yes, he has put in secret rooms...basement, attic, or smaller between closet and bedroom....

Be sure and check with your electrical team, too...the guys often have great ideas that the architect didn't draw...ohhh...and if you're building in the city, check out quietrock. It's amazing! www.quietsolution.com/html/quietrock.html
Jun 10, 2008
Man I'ld love a secret underground lair, I wonder how much those babies cost?

Saying that with all the stuff going on in Europe people could easily get teh wrong idea!

Jun 10, 2008

I think The Klingon would cover for you nicely.

Oops. html seems to be no worky.
Jun 10, 2008
<a target="_blank" href="http://www.dyers.org/blog/beards/beard-types/">I think The Klingon would cover for you nicely.</a> (new window)
-3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
Hi Scott,
By saying "There is no type of beard I can grow that would make that situation seem cool", are you thinking that Penelope Cruz was "grown" by Tom Cruise?

But if your wife found Ms. Cruz hanging around, your "underground lair" might get smaller.

Perhaps reduced to.. um, the size of a coffin?

I'm just saying......

Jun 10, 2008
The temptation to use a room like that could work both ways.

It's just as easy to put locks on the other side of the door you know. After following a trail of beer, pork rinds, video games, and !$%* into your luxury hotel bathroom man cave, and then hearing the door slam and bolts lock, you'll know there's a party going on - except now it's happening upstairs in the rest of the house with your credit card, and a tennis pro named Kyle.

Careful what you wish for - a girl could figure out how to use a secret underground party lair to her advantage too.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
Did anyone else notice the guy has an ex-bodyguard named "Kato"? It looks like the 70's never really ended for the good Doctor.
Jun 10, 2008
My wife and I are in the very initial stages of planning for building a house and I was thinking of doing this. Here's the route I'm taking so I can keep it my secret man lair. There's going to be a small wine cellar/storm cellar that's hidden behind a bookshelf wall. The wife knows about that and likes that idea. I'm planning on getting it doubled in size with another hidden door for the second part. The only wild card I have to worry about is the contractor mentioning it. Thanks for the idea of getting a toilet installed in there. You might want to include a small cot into your plans too then.
+2 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
It's not too late!
Don't give up on all the Battlestar Galactica you can watch so easily! Reach for your dreams!

Also, be sure the wireless will reach down there so you can still blog!
+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
Hi Scott,

I'm not surprised you forgot a secret underground lair. I remember a post in which you thought a centrally located 2nd floor laundry was cool. If that is high on your list of desires, I can see how a secret underground room got left out.

I would be interested in reading about any cool features you included, especially any green/sustainable features. Will you still be walking to work? That is a feature I would like in my house.

Perhaps we'll see you on "Cribs".

+3 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
It's good you realize your more suited for an underground TV lair as opposed to an underground party room. I mean, you wake up at what, 4am? That means your underground parties would need to end around 8pm, which would be way too lame to justify a secret room.
+5 Rank Up Rank Down
Jun 10, 2008
That is just frickin' hilarious. My guess is his soon to be ex-wife will be laughing all the way to the bank.

All of us men secretly crave our own private underground lair. It's called "Bat Cave Syndrome".
Jun 10, 2008
Sometimes I'd just settle for a basement, until I see everyone's sump-pumps running constantly after rainstorms and I wonder what happens if rainstorm brings power outages. You're too geekish/nerdish to need a party room, but a man den wouldn't be too much to ask (what you described is just that!)
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