In the news, a JetBlue pilot allegedly made a passenger give his seat to an off-duty flight attendant. The flight was full, so the passenger was ordered to sit on the toilet for three hours.


I'm sure your reaction to this story was the same as mine: That passenger got the best seat in the house! He had lots of leg room, total privacy, no one trying to hog the armrest, no seatbelt requirement, and all the whizzing he could handle. So naturally he sued the airline.

The passenger's problem was that he didn't know how to make the best of a great situation. I would have kept the door propped open and yelled "Waiter! More Diet Coke!" every time a flight attendant walked past. And I would have gathered up enough blankets and pillows to feather my little nest.

You might be thinking that the toilet seat in the bathroom has more cooties than Rick Solomon's beard. That's true, and it's why you should always pee in the little sink. But I digress. My point is that there is some theoretical number of airline blankets that will give you three hours of protection. Then all you have to worry about is the germs on the blankets themselves.

The real victims in this story are the two-hundred passengers who had to share one bathroom. They're the ones who should be suing. Airlines have a rule that you can't congregate around the bathroom and wait in line. That means you have to keep one hand on your seatbelt buckle and get ready to pounce as soon as the door opens. If anyone else makes a move, you might need to show your box cutters and yell something about Allah to clear the aisle. It's either that or your bladder will burst. There are no good choices here.

The passenger in this story had his own private suite for three hours and apparently missed the opportunity for a solo flight to the Mile High Club. I assume this is the case because he arrived in California all angry. If you put most men of that age group behind a locked door for three hours, with no other form of entertainment, you need a gurney and an IV at the other end.

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+3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 15, 2008
"The passenger's problem was that he didn't know how to make the best of a great situation."

No. He absolutely knew how to make the best of the situation - he sued!!!
May 15, 2008
"some theoretical number of airline blankets that will give you three hours of protection."

bad example Scott

airline blankets are nastier than the restrooms...like saying there is a theoretical number of times to smear yourself with cow manure to protect you from monkeys flinging feces.

BTW...Elizabeth...buy some fresh batteries sweetie
0 Rank Up Rank Down
May 15, 2008
Scott, has your readership numbers gone up or down since the relocation?
May 15, 2008
Thank you for posting this. In addition to making me laugh, it's making me wonder how much money I might be able to make by hanging out at the airport, and telling this story to everyone right before they go through security, and then selling travelers adult diapers and antibacterial hand wipes.

As for Man in the Can, he hit the deep-pockets jack pot if Jet Blue settles just to make the bad PR and lawsuit go away, Makes me wish I knew an airline employee and pilot to run this scam. But then I remember what Jesus said about stuff like this. He said, "Don't." LOL.
-1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 15, 2008
Maybe the guy was angry because riding in the bathroom made him feel a little "FLUSHED".
May 15, 2008
I am amazed that you could write a post about this incident without conjuring images of the passengers peeing in the sink while he is sitting in his seat. You came close, danced around it awhile but let go, and went off to some weird place where somebody yells Allah. All the while maintaining a strong Politically correct attitude ( hint: note the capital A in Allah).

+3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 15, 2008
Co-workers of mine call that The Half-Mile High Club...
May 15, 2008
keep those thumbs down coming!

hypocrites. you dance around sex like prepuberal adolescents. you make snide jokes and comments about !$%*!$%*!$%*! banging and using lies, deceit, and even alcohol to get a girl to sleep with you. but- when it comes down to adult discussion- of two consensual adults in a transaction where everyone knows what they are getting- you hide behind red faces. I have more respect for a man who pays for sex than a man who picks up a woman, treats her like gold for a day or a week, sleeps with her- and then never calls her again.

no wonder there's so many frustrated men on this blog's comments! you whine about your wives, girlfriends- and then wonder why your sex life is dull or non-existent. to have a fascinating sex life- you first need to be mature about sex.
May 15, 2008
Solo flight to the mile high club....that's awesome. Almost snarfed my lunch back out through my nose all over my desk. I'd start charging people to come in and use "my" bathroom.
-3 Rank Up Rank Down
May 15, 2008
This guy is going to ruin it for the few of us that can get buddy passes BOO!
Loser! Like you said, [and the pilot] How bad was it in there....
May 15, 2008
Maybe he's a janitor. Imagine being on vacation and having to fly for several hours in what is essentially your cubicle.
+6 Rank Up Rank Down
May 15, 2008
I hate how lucky some people are. I will probably go my whole life and never be as lucky as this guy. Every day I hope and pray that some large company will negligently expose me to a slight chance of bodily harm and a little bit of personal indignity so that I can file a multi-million dollar lawsuit.

So far the only thing that has ever come close was when a Best Buy employee dropped a cordless phone on my head from a ladder. She was cute however so the gurney and IV side of me kicked in and overrode the instant millionaire side.
May 15, 2008
"More cooties than Rick Solomon's beard" is definitley getting added to the archive. My germophobic frequent flier boyfriend ought to shoot milk out of his nose at this one!
May 15, 2008
this is for JLoad-


getting covered with various body fluids was not what my mind was thinking over. I'm all for that. (the passenger mentioned in this blog post seriously missed out on a "golden" opportunity!). it was the getting paid by strange men part that my mind was thinking over. after a discussion with Hubbie (while on a hike with fantastic views of the Alps), we both agree it's worth thinking about.
May 15, 2008
Now I remember why I come to this site. I read this story a few days ago and laughed, but when you tell it, it takes on a whole new dimension. You really ARE a genius. I will miss you.

By the way, who the hell is giving me all the thumbs down? I feel like I am being voted off a talent show. Maybe I won't miss you. BWAHAHAHAHA

Rita (11 days and counting) Mae
May 15, 2008
Holy cow Scott, that's freakin' hilarious. " . . . you need a gurney and an IV at the other end." BRILLIANT!
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