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The hardest part about writing is capturing your own (or someone else's) inner thoughts. For example, if I ask you to tell me something funny or frustrating about your job, you'd give me tales of coworkers eating your food from the break room fridge, or tell me your boss is incompetent. But those aren't thoughts, just observations. We seem to store memories in terms of actions and some broad emotions, but not thoughts. And it is the thoughts you generally don't voice that make writing interesting.


Let's test this. In the comments section, tell me what you were DOING immediately before reading this blog, and also tell me what you were THINKING about while you did it. If you can do both of those things, you are halfway to being an interesting and humorous writer.


For example, "I was answering an e-mail from my coworker Karl while thinking he won't understand my answer because he has an unusually small head that probably can't hold much of a hat much less a brain."


Your turn.

 
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May 13, 2008
I was looking at job postings and thinking what jackasses we have at HR and wishing my banana were a slice of pizza.
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was reading a Slate.com series of articles on procrastination, while putting off the arduous task of finishing my dissertation before my wife goes into labor.

I was thinking I should get to work. Then I finished the article, and began thinking I should check the Dilbert Blog first.
 
 
May 13, 2008

I was debugging a publish routine in VB.Net while thinking: what is the ratio of Dilbet Blog words I can read per each break-point, why do we keep electing the dumbest possible Presidents, is that peanut butter stuck to the back of my head, why am I using an OleDbDataReader as opposed to a plain old DataRow, why is Mike such an ass, would X-Ray vision really be that much of a benefit or would it hinder me, should I buy a remote control helicopter because they are finally cheap or should I wait for better control of flight, why does everyone seem so bent on making Ron Paul come across like an old loon when he has the most politically responsible thoughts in over a century if you just take the time to actually listen (or read) and understand them as opposed to jumping on the feeding-frenzy band-wagon, and did my 3 year old have something to do with that stuff stuck to the back of my head?

 
 
May 13, 2008
Slap D Monkey - LOL. The e-mail I was thinking about had nothing to do with cake.

Remembering previous conversations, I was describing for my boss the solution I came up with for a bothersome issue.

But thanks for the tip. I do like cake, and will give your recipe suggestion a try. :)
 
 
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May 13, 2008
Just before reading your blog, I was checking my voicemail. I work in a call center, and as we are not allowed to send clients to other people's voicemail (we have to help them no matter if they're our client or another agent's), I was thinking that my one message was probably a client that some lazy-ass agent didn't want to help, so sent to my voicemail. That, or I thought it was maybe a mass voicemail message about a system outage. Those are always lovely as system outages make it impossible to give tip-top quality customer service, which of course reflects back on us reps, not the IT guys.

Not really funny, but true. :)
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was surfing a general topic forum looking for funny posts while thinking I hope my coworker signs off on our new release so I can send out the press release soon and thinking I need something more then what I've had to eat today so maybe I should goto the kitchen.
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was talking to an employee who has just returned to our office today, after a two year absence (she is a student and works during the summer) - we were reminiscing. I was thinking how uncomfortable I felt talking to her, how she looks right through me when she talks to me, and how I couldn't wait to get back to my office. I was also thinking that I've worked at my job for far too long and I can't figure out what's taking so long for me to win the lottery so I can finally leave!
 
 
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May 13, 2008
I was reading a personal finance blog about what the author was going to do with the economic stimulus check he was expecting from the government. He anticpates receiving $1800.

I was thinking that this means he is married, has two children, and has enough deductions, (kids, mortgage), to keep his family income below the threshold to get the full amount of the stimulus package. This led me to think that I will get little or nothing from this stimulus package, since I am single, have no kids, and my mortgage is paid off. Our tax system is used to encourage certain behavior, like buying houses and having children rather than simply raising revenue. Of course the housing market has collapsed because too many people bought houses they couldn't afford, and with over 6 billion people on the planet, the last thing we need to be doing is having more kids...

Anyway, this is supposed to be a stimulus package, everyone should get it. Basing it on tax information turns it into another wealth redistribution program.

OK, that's my anti-government rant for the day.
 
 
May 13, 2008
i was reading today's dilbert in an rss feed and thinking that it wasn't very funny.
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was waiting for a !$%* video to finish loading, and then your signing up process totally destroyed my mood.
But thanks for Stoya's hotness, I got it back up.
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was reading the name of this post in my RSS feed, and wondering if your syndicate ever gets scared anytime you write anything that's not in comic strip form.
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was eating my breakfast (oatmeal) at work while contemplating sending one of your email notifications to my friends about your newly redesigned website. Then I thought I better not, since my friends aren't super receptive when I forward them particularly knee slapping Daily Dilberts. Then I was thinking "Why am I friends with dunderheads who don't appreciate the genius of Dilbert?"
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was changing my available status on iChat to "Gimme my cake!" while recalling an e-mail exchange between me and my boss where I told him I figured out a way to have my cake, eat it too, and not gain weight.
 
 
May 13, 2008
i was texting my best friend Druann about getting a job where I work and what time she should go in at when it isnt busy, its a restaraunt. At the time I was thinking, "Damn, I really need to save these text messages so they last me the month." So yea, not getting charged an extra 10 centes a few times is more important then my best friend getting a job. Thanks Scott, now I need to go text her to apologize about my thoughts!!!
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was signing up for this website. The thought I can't shake is that all years up to 2008 are listed in the birth year field, but you need to be at least 13 to sign up? It seems a tad silly to me.
 
 
May 13, 2008
Just a note:

Shame on you Muppet. Some poor Republican is having a hissy fit right now because you said you favor abortion and the death penalty, just to mess with his mind.

Keep up the good work. You're my kind of person.

Rita Mae
 
 
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May 13, 2008
i was trying to read some god-awful code to escape tomorrows Agile meeting (i know!) while thinking what a pathetic life i have ...and now i know it for certain... thanks!
 
 
May 13, 2008
I was thinking "I'm supposed to be working, but it kinda slow now that tax season is over. Do I check Triplebee or Scott Adams first? They are both great. I'll check Scott Adams. His face is covered with cat spit and I feel sorry for him. Billy Arvia on the other hand is probably also covered with something wet, but kind of sticky. I'll check him out later."

Rita Mae
 
 
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May 13, 2008
Right before reading this entry, I was re-bandaging my thoroughly perforated finger from last night's murderous snake attack. Well, no, more like unexpected bite on my forefinger after my pet snake, Charlie, had been hanging out watching TV with us for almost an hour. I must've startled her, and she latched on and wouldn't let go. Have to say it was an intriguing sensation, feeling my finger being swallowed.

What I was thinking? "I'd better feed Charlie tonight." Good timing, right after your cat attack post yesterday!

Sure is tough to type without my right forefinger, or I'd spend longer talking about how the new Dilbert.com needs some serious proofreading, like the "Care to tell your friends about..." line on the activation page.
 
 
+1 Rank Up Rank Down
May 13, 2008
I was trying to fix a bug on a computer in some god awful office that has no air-con and the sun streaming through the window, while wishing I had more of an outdoors type job, I hate being stuck in an office on such a beautiful day as this
 
 
 
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