To: Dilbert Mebert
From: Your State Department of Labor and Workforce Development
Date: 28 JAN 09
Subject: Your Application for Unemployment Insurance (YAFUI)
Unemployment Insurance Benefits are for those workers who are unemployed due to no fault of their own. It is our department's determination that since you were canned from your last employment, you are ineligible for Unemployment Insurance Benefits on the amount of $32.37 a week for seven weeks, the state maximum. In fact, you are ineligible for any Unemployment Bennies at all, ha, ha, ha.
We recommend you go back to work, get laid off and reapply.
Have a nice day and thank you for contacting Your State Department of Labor and Workforce Development.
Insurance and Claimant Adjuster
Your State Department of Labor and Workforce Development
Actually, the only difference between Dilbert now and before he was fired is that he's at "risk of starvation." In his employed state he STILL can't find a date and feels utterly worthless. Oh well, my only advice to the poor chap is find what you love, and hope for the best. If you starve, then at least you're doing what you love and you'll die happy.