Aw, poor Mordac. :(
If it's any consolation, my day was nothing but frustrations and un-fixable errors. :)
(No, seriously; it was either take a tea-and-Dilbert break, or be reprimanded for throwing my pencil cup.)
Rule 1) We can't help you with your problem "because we have insufficient resources."
Rule 2) You are NOT allowed to code it yourself, because you don't work for us and only WE are allowed to code anything. (Regardless of the fact that you could code an entire project in the time it takes us to write a "hello world" program.)